Size Seven Shoes

I've always wondered: Would you know it when your life is reaching its end?  So many ways that a person could die. Some of which happen really suddenly, while in other cases, it is a slow buildup to that final day and hour.  We cannot choose how we will leave this life. But will we at least have some kind of premonition or warning before our time comes?  I suppose I will never know until that fateful moment arrives.  And I guess I'm thinking about these things a little more than usual because of several recent deaths of people I used to know.  Also the fact that I am turning 40 this month.  What does a life amount to at the end of it all? Will it count?  I guess the most I can hope for is that God will be merciful enough to offer a gracious ending. 

Once upon a time, I was an Inexperienced Mum, and prior to that, I was an Uncertain Wannabe Mother. And way before that, I was a Curious Bride and a Desperate Single Girl.  All these various hats and personas I've had over the years... all led to who I am now...  And I'm just a regular Wife and Mother now.  Am I happy?  In all honesty, I actually am.  I don't think I mind being normal that much. So long as I'm with the ones I love.  Ah, but I digress somewhat.  I guess I came to say that having lived through those various phases in the past, perhaps I should talk about them to you, my dear Reader, so that should there be a chance at all that you had felt/thought like I had back then, perhaps there may be some comfort to be had in the words I am telling you.  Where would you like to start? At the very beginning or somewhere in between?    

I've never been so grateful for ordinary days as I am right now.  We've just had one too many incidents taking place in our family over the past month or so that a mundane, uneventful day feels like a gift.  Back in the days of our youth, I think many of us would often mutter about things being boring. But maybe something being boring is a good thing. Because there are moments where things are far too exciting than they ought to be and that could potentially be paired with some form of tragedy coming to call.  A friend of mine quoted me a Chinese saying about this: "A life without major celebrations or major tragedies is a blessed one."  Perhaps at a different season of my life I might have not seen the significance of this perspective on life. But I certainly do now.  So thank God for another perfectly normal day.  I'm glad just to have my life filled with them as long as that means I get to have the ones I love close to me and I get to be at peace and enj...

It isn't that there aren't things I want to say. It's just I keep having trouble on how to say them.  And then I procrastinate, and procrastinate some more. So it never gets put down into writing. And the lull on this blog continues to fester.  There's also my indecision on what to do about my Wordpress blog. I do love that blog still, and it holds great sentimental value since it had its beginnings in a birthday gift that was given to me by my husband very early on in our marriage.  Sigh.  But... the ads.  The ads ruin it.  Anyway, back to THIS blog, I still can't figure out when something is significant enough to warrant a blog post honestly.  I do just want to write.  But I want it to NOT be boring or uneventful but my life feels rife with ordinary things.  I've an ex-colleague or two or more who have published books. Who carry out successful freelance careers. Who have admirable hobbies and accolades and every other thing that I don't....

 If only it really existed.  This little bit of hopefulness, playfulness that's just round the bend.  Those things that if you wish for hard enough, would actually come true. Just because it is so.  That in the dreariness of every day living, there could be an escape just waiting for you. With a blink of an eye, a gasp, a twirl, a leap... something would emerge.  Something lovely and fluffy and kind. Comforting and welcoming and enduring.  I could really use a dose of whimsy and magic today. 

Whatever happened to the days when people just wrote about themselves and their lives candidly, without too much concern for how polished it would appear, or how much engagement it would stimulate online?  I know it's unlikely there will ever be a similar season once again, but I do miss the era where blogs reigned supreme. I probably have said this before in past blog posts, but I guess the sentiment never goes away and keeps bubbling back up to the surface.  So I just keep bringing it up.  I recall a time growing up where so many people in my life owned personal blogs and actually made time to frequently update them. It was great being able to have such a huge writing community, so to speak. I mean, they didn't all think of writing in as fond a manner as I do, but nevertheless they wrote.  And words are my kind of romance.  Most of us even had a special corner of our blog where we would showcase a list of all our friend's blogs.  It was a great shortcut t...

 ... and I'm wondering where You are.  How fully occupied spaces now seem vacant.  And undeniable evidence has dwindled to the point of questionable existence.  While everyone carries on, like not a thing has changed Oh, but it feels like  Everything has. 

Some time back I signed up for an editorial mentorship program. I literally registered for it, and promptly forgot all about it. That is, until lately, when I received an email saying that I'd been granted a place to join the next cohort for the program.  I still wonder if I made the right decision to join such a program. The reason being I'm not certain if I'll be committed enough to see it through, given the way my life goes at the moment. Mostly because it's so wrapped up with my kids and whatever is going on in their lives.  Yet I tell myself, I'll regret for not trying.  So fingers crossed that something good will come out of the next few months, and that I'll have the determination to see everything through to its completion.  I still love being in editorial. My love for writing endures, though I would say I continue to disappoint myself with the lack of quality as well as output that can be attributed to my name.  I remember yet the tone a friend of mine ...

There comes a season every year when death rates seem to spike. At least based on my observation (not a very statistically inclined person so can't say in those terms).  From what I've noticed, it tends to be around the third quarter of the year, or the period between the second moving into the third. This sort of coincides with the timing of Ghost Month and also Halloween.  Well, in recent years, this season seems to be starting earlier and earlier. As early as this month (July), in fact.  Every year, when this season of death rolls in, I always wonder whether it will be our family's turn to be hit. Apparently, this year is one such time.  On Friday morning, we received news from foreign police authorities that my mother-in-law had passed away. She lives abroad so it was challenging on many grounds. First and foremost was us having to verify that this was genuine and not some hoax/scam. Then comes the part where we have to figure out what to do.  We are still w...

Midway through my growing years, I learned of a certain title/position known as PK. The term was new to me then, but the experience of having lived as one was certainly not.  PK stood for Pastor's Kid. And I had been one for as long as I could remember.  (Technically, I should have been called Elder's Kid since my dad was recognised as the Elder at our church rather than referred to as its Pastor. However, delving into an explanation of why that is so will result in a different sort of long story so I shall address that only later.)  To be honest, I don't think I can ever recall a moment in my life's history when my father wasn't a church leader. It feels so much a part of his DNA that you could almost say he wouldn't be himself if he wasn't at the spiritual helm in some form or another.  So I was a PK nearly all my life and it has impacted me in very profound ways. It was both good and bad.  Perhaps I should start by listing down the good stuff.  By virtue...

Last Friday, between the hours of 10pm and 11pm, I had an accident that was both unexpected and dramatic.  I'd been ill already for several days and had not been having a good appetite. On this fateful evening, I had decided to ingest a lovely bowl of ABC soup made lovingly by my mother in hopes of overcoming this recent spell of malnutrition.  This act unfortunately led me to the toilet with a stomach ache. I began to feel faint while cleaning up in the toilet and very suddenly passed out. In the process, I fell face forward and hit part of my face and my teeth onto the step at the entrance of the toilet.  Consequently, I had parts of 2 front teeth knocked out and lots of blood oozing from the injuries. I also had the misfortune of smashing my phone at the same time.  Although I've had several fainting spells over the years and this isn't exactly the only time, this incident was definitely the most severe and the first time I experienced harm to my body due to becom...

There's this lingering idea in my head still about self publishing some form of a chapbook. It's been in the works for at least a year or two and it's mostly delayed because of my hesitation.  I already have more than enough material to fill out a humble little chapbook. It's more a question of what to put in and what to leave out.  Sometimes I wonder if there is any point at all in publishing anything. Be it via my own (very limited) resources or through more conventional routes. Because what does publishing anything achieve other than being a means of stroking your own ego or checking off an item from your lifetime goals?  All in all, the reigning sentiment is that I feel small. Insignificant. And it often seems like nothing will ever change. Impostor syndrome is but one aspect of it. There's more that brews under the surface than just that.  I don't know if making writing my profession in the past has spoiled all these things for me. The magic of writing and ...

I said in a previous post  that I would talk soon about things that matter to me. Or more like stuff that is bothering me.  Well, here I am to make good that promise, so to speak.  While it's not really anything new for someone like me, perhaps this might be the first time I'm saying it out loud. So here goes...  Ladies and gents, my beloved readers, I am rather tired of and disappointed about church.  It's not really about the Local Church I attend in particular (although undeniably there may be aspects about it that I do wish could be better). I personally believe there's a larger discontent festering here and that it's likely to do with the Universal Church itself. Let me clarify at this juncture that I am not intending to abandon my faith and that I still believe that Jesus is Lord, both of the entire universe as we know it and certainly of my life too. I also intend to uphold Christianity as the religion of choice to pass on to my children and still continu...

So the whole experience of trying to buy Coldplay tickets for their upcoming concert in Malaysia was terrible. And. as you might expect, we came away from it 2 days later still empty-handed.  I suppose the only thing to do to soothe my disappointment would be to tell you a bit about how Coldplay came to matter to me back in the day. Hopefully by the end of this tale, I will have felt a bit better about things and perhaps move along to other more positive matters... My earliest attachment to Coldplay's music came during my uni days. The season where I spent a huge chunk of my time predominantly alone, traversing books in the library, fretting over insurmountable assignments, and reading the Bible everywhere and anywhere that I found myself around the campus as I killed time between classes.  Those were the days that I would need to take long drives from home to campus on my own. So it was just me and my music in the car. And it came to be back then that Coldplay became one of m...

I think the time has come to talk about things that matter on a deeper level.  Enough years have passed in between. Patience and prudence have remained, and yet, the much hoped for resolution has not arrived.  But should we only write when we have all the answers? I don't think that should be the way. Not at all.   So let me muster just a little more courage and gather up a few more thoughts. I promise authenticity shall reek through all the upcoming posts.  Stick around, beloved Reader.     

 There's something about love that people don't seem to talk about much. And that's the fact that loving someone often means needing to stretch yourself a little to fit into their world because every one of us is so different.   Each individual's perspective, interests and preferences in life is so very unique that it's quite likely that what your beloved is passionate about does not equate what you are personally into.  And that can be a pretty tough thing to navigate, honestly. For one thing, you'd have to take time to convince them to take an interest in the stuff you like. Then there's the arduous task of learning up the things that they love too. It's especially hard if those involve areas that you aren't too keen on if left to your own devices.  Anyway, this is just a short post to bring this up. I guess it comes to mind because I had to spend part of my evening yesterday indulging my eldest son's interest in robots.  Do you have trouble ke...

 It's been at least 4-5 months since my last paid writing gig.  While I wouldn't say it's like the most important thing to me right now to engage frequently in freelance work, it does feel rather odd to not have it in the picture for quite a few months now. Well, the MCO period was another one of such dry spells, but I suppose with things currently in a more or less normal state, it feels all the more unsettling than it did during the extraordinary times that was the pandemic.  Although... to be honest, I think it's rather tough to be working on anything with a deadline right now with the way my daily schedule is managing my 2 boys.  In the absence of work, there are actually plenty of other things to be done, honestly. For instance...  1. Organise the home, throw out the unnecessary clutter 2. Put that chapbook in order and actually try to self publish it  3. Organise my writing portfolio 4. Do all the craft projects I've been stalling 5. Plan and execute ...

I was famished and waiting for food when I started working on this a few days back. What better thing to do than to look up a  writing prompt and to try to craft some quirky prose while killing time and trying to stave your hunger eh?  I'm totally out of practice and this is probably more trash than treasure, but here's to sharing the process of things and not being too concerned about perfection (something that's frankly quite hard for me to do, most of the time *sigh*).  I suppose I will refine this later on should it turn out to be fascinating enough that I can't leave it alone.  For now, I guess I'll just leave you with this tiny piece of fiction. And hope that I'll have something more compelling to offer the next round.  Enjoy (if you can heh).  *     *     * Quite the Reward Every writer need s a little inspiration once in a while. For today's prompt, your character rescues a creature that turns out to be a powerful being. (Source:...

Why, hello there.  Essentially this blog was more or less closed off and left for dead.   So why am I here then?  Well, the story goes that after ages and ages of being away from this space, I'm actually considering returning to this spot to revive this blog of mine.  Why so?  Well, because my Wordpress blog has somehow sprouted ads and they are of the kind that irk me. I doubt I shall have any control over what appears in these ad spaces within my own blog unless I pay for a subscription.  As horrid as it may sound to admit that I'm not keen on forking out any moola to sustain my blogging habit, it is pretty much a reality for the time being. Especially since I'm not exactly earning anything right now and it seems pretty indulgent to want to spend on a blog that I tend to be inconsistent in upkeeping.  Of course, the other option is to perhaps head off the grid completely for now and not bother about maintaining an online presence/voice. I mean, ...